I went to the doctor this morning, and I have to say, the news wasn't good at all. I haven't been feeling well lately, and all of this Swine Flu talk had me a bit nervous, so I finally decided to put my insurance to good use and went to see the doc.
I arrived, and of course, sat out in the waiting room for 20 minutes, then was led back and into a private observation room, where I sat for yet another 20 minutes. The doctor soon arrived, and asked me what my problem was. I told him I wasn't feeling like myself lately, and things just felt "off". He took my vitals: temperature, blood pressure, heart rate, etc.
"You are very pale," he informed me. I told him that I had indeed noticed that I seemed whiter than normal. I have the pasty white skin we Irish are known for, and even for me, I seemed almost a ghostly white. He then asked a couple of questions that caught me completely off-guard.
"Do you ever have trouble walking, especially against strong winds?" he asked. I said that I did indeed. He grunted, and wrote something on my chart. He then followed up with another question.
"Do you ever feel like you're trapped? Perhaps in a large box of some sort?" I was troubled, because I did. I could feel myself begin to panic.
"Just as I thought," he said. "What we have here is a classic case of Mime Flu".
Mime Flu? But how could that be? I was extra careful. I made sure I washed my hands and used protection when I was around mimes. What was I going to tell the Future Mrs. Wonderhorse? How would she handle this? Would she be angry? Would she be sad? Would she blame herself?
The doctor assured me that there was no reason why I couldn't lead a long, healthy and productive life. There was even a good chance that I wouldn't lose my voice or take to walking invisible dogs. Obviously, my lifestyle was going to change, but the diagnosis wasn't a death sentence. He gave me a pamphlet "So You've Been Diagnosed With Mime Flu" and told me to go home and tell my fiancee.
Luckily, she was extremely understanding and comforted me. I said I would understand if she didn't want to be around for the months ahead. She told me that we would get through this together, gave me a kiss, and made me a bowl of pudding. I do love that woman.
So, I have this thing that I didn't want, and didn't ask for, yet here we are. My name is Sheldon the Wonderhorse and I have Mime Flu. If you suspect you or someone you love might have Mime Flu, get to a doctor immediately.
It's no laughing matter.
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