December 11, 2008
I live in a section of the country that is lovingly referred to by elite coastal assholes as "Fly-over country". I accept that. To paraphrase Bill Bryson, someone has to live there. So, as a result, celebrity-sightings are few and far between. Sure, during this past presidential race, everyone was stopping here for a day or two. Obama was here quite a few times, and while I never got to see him, I did see Mrs. Obama elequently speak in front of a packed house (as a side note, how nice it will be to finally have someone back in the White House who can form a complete sentence and not sound like a complete rube everytime he opens his mouth). Everynow and then, however, an opportunity arises that is tought to pass up.
One of the local colleges decided to bring writer/director Spike Lee here for a lecture. Being a huge film nerd, I absolutely was going to be there. Granted, I'm really kind of hit and miss with his films. "Do The Right Thing" is obviously the one he will be remembered for, and it is one I admire, but quite frankly, I found "25th Hour" to be more compelling and satisfying (I haven't seen "DTRT" since college, and have already put it in the Netflix queue take another look these many years later). Enjoyed "Summer of Sam", but didn't really care for "Crooklyn". Loved "When the Levees Broke" (one of the best documentaries out there), but couldn't get through "Girl 6". But still, it's Spike freakin' Lee giving a lecture. I'm there.
My fiancee & I arrived, and found seats right in the middle of the theatre that seats probably 400 or so; a fairly intimate venue. Spike came out to rousing applause, and spoke of how he first got started in filmmaking, some of the problems you run into as an independent filmmaker, and life in general. All in all, it was fairly informative and pretty enjoyable.
Then they opened it up to questions from the floor.
Note to the organizers: In the future, perhaps it would be wise to get a few questions in writing before the event starts.
Most of the questions were fairly harmless: How do you get a film into a festival? What was it like working with Denzel? Did your family support your decision to get into film? All interesting enough.
Then came a guy whom I will call Roscoe.
On the surface, Roscoe seemed relatively normal. He got up to the microphone, and began talking about how much he loved Mr. Lee's films, specifically "Do the Right Thing", "Malcom X", and "Ali".
Note to Roscoe: if you are going to go see a filmmaker you admire, you may want to make sure that one of your favorites of his is ACTUALLY his.
Alas, Spike didn't direct "Ali". Which Spike kindly pointed out.
Roscoe continues on with his question/statement about how he once worked with Danny Glover in San Francisco in the 70's, even though he looks like he is maybe 40 at most, and I think he mentioned something about a duck. I had no idea where this was going, nor did anyone else. Finally he gets to a question about Ruby Dee & Ossie Davis. Spike kindly answered his question and was ready to move on, when Roscoe spoke up again, even though they had cut his mic. The last thing he said was, "...and I'm a screenwriter, and I would really love it if you would take a look at my screenplay."
Now, not being a celebrity myself, I am sure this kind of thing happens all the time. It still made me incredibly uncomfortable. Spike, however, was extremely kind, and took it from him.
Okay, we're through that, I think. Alas....
Next comes Doris. Or, as I like to think of her, Nutjob 2: The Second Coming.
Doris is a novelist. She is a published novelist. A self-published novelist. Doris wants to know how she can get her novel turned into a movie. Spike asked her how she published her own novel, and she says, "Well, I got a friend to take a picture of a basketball for the front cover, and then I went down to the DocuMart and made copies of the book, then I went and sold it door to door."
Wait, wait. What?
"I went and sold it door to door."
Spike was seemlingly as confused as I was. "You went and rang people's doorbells, and sold them your book?" he asked.
"Yes."
I gotta give Doris credit. I appreciate a nutjob, but I REALLY appreciate a motivated nutjob.
Of course, Doris just happened to have a copy of her novel with her, and she would love to have Spike read it. Again, Spike kindly took the book.
That MUST be it, I assumed. And for a moment, I was correct. The next question was about how to direct actors who have different levels of talents and ways of working. A perfect question to end on. Please, for the love of god, end on this question, I said to myself.
"I'll take one more question".
Lucy gets to the mic, or Nutjob 3: The Revenge.
Lucy, it turns out, loves the mic. Lucy is, guess what? A novelist. She has a book of short stories, including a rather hilarious one that has something to do with a city bus, her pony and a bowl of borscht. I swear to god, borscht was apparently a major character. But, according to Lucy, "I've had several people tell me it's quite good". Spike by this time, I'm sure, was regretting he ever stepped onstage, but again, to his credit as a decent human, said, "Do you have a copy of your book?"
"No," Lucy said. "I didn't even really know you were speaking tonight. I just kind of stumbled upon it. I do have a poster for the book I would like to give you."
We realized she was at the deli we ate at before the lecture, she heard everyone talking about it, and hey, it's a movie star! Let's all go over!
In one hour of questions, Spike Lee was given a screenplay by someone who worked with Danny Glover when he was apparently 10, a novel printed out at the local DocuMart, and a poster for a book about beet soup.
A college kid behind me said, "Where the fuck are they getting these people??"
Well said, my pierced-lip friend. Where the fuck indeed.
Needless to say, everytime I see my fiance now, I tell her how much I love her work, and would she mind reading a brouchure I've been writing with Sidney Poitier while we ate gazpacho.
I can't wait to see what Spike Lee does with that.
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