I heard today that Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber has composed a sequel to his mega-hit from the 80's, The Phantom of the Opera.
Love Never Dies is scheduled to premiere in London in March, 2010, then move to New York later next year. I've never seen Phantom, but I know the story - Gothic romance in Paris, lots of candles, and a deformed composer. I can get behind all three things. The sequel will take those things, and move them to an even more romantic and gothic setting.
Coney Island.
I shit you not. The Phantom of the Opera, one of literature's most tragic/romantic figure will now be sharing the stage with Nathan's Famous and The Cyclone. I can't wait for the romantic ballad that takes place right after the Phantom pukes into a garbage can after riding the Silly Silo. I'm hoping the dramatic Act One finale takes place at the Whack-a-Mole.
I'm not a fan of musicals, in general. I suppose if I could actually sing or dance, I might, but I don't, so musicals just don't ring my bell. Sure, I can appreciate them as much as the next guy, but they just don't do it for me. I know people who love them, and LOVE Webber. I don't quite get it. Don't get me wrong - I kind of like some of his early stuff with Tim Rice. Jesus Christ Superstar is pretty decent. Same goes for Evita. Things really went off the tracks though when he went solo with Cats.
You've never seen Cats but want to know what it's about? Okay, here you go: It's about a bunch of fucking cats. Everything that cats do that annoy the hell out of you is lovingly reproduced on stage by people pretending to be cats. We have three cats, and they bug the shit out of me. The only thing that would make my life worse is if they sang and danced. Not to mention the fact that Webber basically took three melodies and stretched them out over 3 hours. Nothing quite like the 6th version of "Memory" to really drive that nail through your frontal lobe.
Still, I have to admit that I'm somewhat excited about this new one Webber's come up with. The awfulness potential is rather high. In fact, it sounds disturbingly like the plot to the awful 70's tv movie: KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park. In it, members of KISS use their superpowers (yes, in the 1970's amatuer acting was regarded as a "superpower") to battle an evil genius at Magic Mountain. I don't know what it is about amusement parks, but they just always seem to attract the evil geniuses. I guess evil geniuses tend to like elephant ears and overpriced stuffed animals.
If I were Webber, I would just buy that script and just reproduce it on stage. Trust me, if I had laurels to rest on, I'd be resting my ass off.
By the way, I'm totally available to play the robotic Gene Simmons.
No comments:
Post a Comment