"Today is a great day," Trump said, while fighting a stiff northeasterly wind. "This morning, I consumed an entire bowl of Cookie Crisp, which is a terrific breakfast ceral. I am very proud of myself. Very proud."
Trump, star of the NBC "reality" series "The Apprentice" bragged further that he had even completed the puzzle on the back of the box.
"I have done something that no one else has accomplished. I completed the maze on the box in record time. There is no one else who would have been nearly as successful as I was. Let me tell you something, I broke the Cookie Crisp Theif out of the jail and led him directly to the bowl of cereal - no wrong turns at all. I was very, very impressive."
One reporter expressed doubt, and asked to see proof of the maze. Trump replied that it would be released soon.
"Look," Trump said. "We're going to release it. I can't do it right now, but it will be soon. And when we do, I think you will be very impressed. Again, I'm very proud of myself, and it really is a great day for the country."
When reporters asked why he chose the sugary Cookie Crisp instead of a healthier alternative, Trump scoffed. "Clearly, you don't know the facts. Cookie Crisp is loaded with 10 essiential vitamins and minerals. It's a terrific product. It's been a leader on the forefront of cereal for years. You wouldn't understand this. You eat Froot Loops, don't you? You can tell. As a winner, I only eat winner cereals. Cookie Crisp is a winner. It really is terrific."
Trump then went on to fire a shot across the bow of a rival cereal.
"I want you to know, I've sent some of my people over to investigate Cocoa Pebbles, and the things I'm hearing are really going to blow your minds. I can't tell you who these people are, but I'm telling you, when I release the info, it's really going to shake the foundation of society."
When pressed, Trump refused to elaborate.
As cameras flashed around him, another reporter asked Trump to address the rumor that he was going to be having KFC for dinner.
"Look," Trump said. "I can't talk about that yet. As you know, I have the number one show on NBC - it's called "Celebrity Apprentice" - a terrific show. As long as "Celebrity Apprentice" is on the air, I can't talk about my decision. It will be coming soon, and I think everyone will be very surprised by what I say."
With that, Trump abruptly ended the conference and walked to his helicopter with a sugar-infused swagger to his step.
This crap cannot go without a comment. You are the funniest horse on the planet, Sheldon. But you mess with The Donald at your own peril. You just know that he's going to read this and go to McDonald's.
ReplyDeleteJust to piss you off.
He can be a mean spirited bastard, that DT.